Married People Are No Fun

So tonight I am writing my blog because I have thoughts on my mind. (Imagine!) A couple of friends have recently blogged about being single. I've really enjoyed reading the thoughts on their minds. So here I go!

Married people are no fun. --- My younger brother

Because I decided not to go to a movie with him tonight even though I wasn't really doing much because my husband went to hang out with his friends and I went to a ward potluck dinner where not many people attended but it was my responsibility to set up and plan it and clean up so when I came home and realized I had to wash the dishes and finish the laundry and iron our clothes for tomorrow and wet-swiffer the kitchen floor and scrub mold off the bathroom ceiling (hey, the rent's affordable), I knew I couldn't go out and play more when most of the day we spend doing "entertainment" activities (actually really awesome ones) like going to a falconry competition and seeing a musical at the Hale and definitely NOT spending our Saturday getting things ready for Sunday.

So yeah, married people are no fun.

"Marriage is the tomb of friendship. It appears to me a very selfish state. Why do people, in general, as soon as they are married, centre all their cares, their concerns, and pleasures in their own families? Former acquaintances are neglected or forgotten. The tenderest ties between friends are weakened, or dissolved; and benevolence itself moves in a very limited sphere." ---Hannah Foster, "The Coquette"

It's from a book I read in a Women Writers of the 19th Century class I took while pursuing my English degree at USU. Basically it's a moral tale where a girl is too too flirty and gets her tragic comeuppance while her best friend gets married the proper way and gains the desired reward. So after she says this her friend writes back:

"It is the glory of the marriage state to refine by circumscribing our enjoyments. Here we can repose in safety."

I cannot deny that I have felt the glory of the marriage state, refining my enjoyments, reposing in the safety and company of my husband. I have reveled in the realization that if I don't want to go out, I don't have to go out - I can sit at home in a sweatshirt, wrapped up in a blanket, watch a mediocre chick flick, and it's totally fine. Reposing in safety.

But neither can I deny that some of the tenderest ties I have had with my friends have become weakened. Former acquaintances are neglected and yes, even forgotten. Of course I will hang out with my little brother soon - that's not the point. Friends are different from family, in this case because I probably won't be running into them at the next Sunday dinner. In fact, I'll probably only be running into them when we reach out to each other and make a plan to do such.

Which suddenly has become a difficult feat whilst I'm reposing here in safety.

So, the obligatory obvious cavet: Marriage is happy and I love it and I love my husband and I would never go back and change things, because I'm super positive that this is the right and best thing, and I mean it! (If you know me at all you know I actually do feel this way, and that I'm just throwing it in for balance....)

Still, my gain has come with some loss, some grief, and some pain. The companionship and closeness of froomates - you know, friends+roommates; the energy and excitement from living in a cute little house with 6 women and 6 times the trauma/drama; and the tender ties of hearts knit together in Relief Society in singles wards, bonds forged from the shared trial of singledom, a sisterhood of which I feel no longer a part.

In all the awesomeness that has been my newlywed-ness, I haven't yet dealt with, though I have felt the pain, of the "leaving behind" of treasured parts of my life.

So I grieve for these losses.

Summer Recap: in PHOTOS!

The snow today made me want to remember all the awesome summer things I did, not but a few short months ago.

Let me explain.

No, there is too much. Let me sum up:

First, there was this flock of geese that stayed in my neighbor's yard for two days.

Somewhere in July, Lisa went with us to see fireworks.

The Cabin Johnson's visited Utah, and just as I predicted, Aaron and Greg were Brothers from Another Mother. Here we caught them both wearing old-school arcade game T-shirts.

We pretended we were single and went with the single's ward to a Bee's game.

Oh, and we Moabed.

We played a free game of mini-golf at the Salt Lake Arts Center --- on a course of "art" miniature golf holes.

One Par 3 even gave you a free game of Donkey Kong when you made it in the hole. Aaron was excited to see the real thing instead of just the one on his T-shirt.

Right before school started we road-tripped to California for a wedding reception of one of Aaron's friends. We enjoyed the nicer part of town....

...as well as the lesser-known Hicksville side of Malibu.

On the way home, we found the Hoover Dam has been eclipsed by its gargantuan neighbor bridge.

The Ethel M Chocolate Factory outside Vegas was nice, but the cactus and rock garden outside was much more entertaining. Lisa and I pretended to be Saguaros....

....while Aaron tried to pretend to be another. Didn't work, buddy.

We visited The Strip, but the best part was a little splurge to see the Shark Aquarium at Mandalay Bay.

It was like ...walking through an aquarium!

The spiky Spinefish were my favorite.

Back in Utah, we had a very windy afternoon trip to Dugway with the Bills. It was too windy to even shoot off rockets.

But we did gather for some intense ping-pong back at the Bills homestead.

Austin had to be all gross and find a freaking huge bug. And of course none of us could resist looking at it.

Aaron's family goes to the Sheepdog Trials in Heber every year. We fittingly watched "Babe" on the portable DVD player during the drive up.

It was less like a rodeo than I expected - much more civilized.

Finally, the summer culminated in our triumphant ascent of Mount Timpanogos. Seriously, who built a house at the top!?

Coming back down... we couldn't believe we were just at the top of that.

END of super-long, probably-boring post. But guess what? END OF SUMMER, TOO. Thanks, snow!!!

A Blog About Food (Because Everyone Seems To Be Doing It)

I don't know how I feel anymore. I used to be so in love. It used to be like, "it's a special occasion where we get all fancy and make ourselves pretty and spend a lot of time together but then we go our separate ways." But now it's more like, "here we are again, just like yesterday and the day before, you and me, nothing special but still too important to overlook, so whaddaya say?"

Of course I'm not talking about my husband. I love him dearly, in a much more real way than I ever did while we were just dating. (Cheese warning!! Comin' right atcha! Oh, sorry, too late.) No, I'm talking about DINNER.

You can ask my mom - I cooked before. I did. Or, ask my roommates. We had this each-person-cooks-once-a-week thing going for a good while, and it worked out great. See, when you have a week to plan, and it feels special, you can cook pretty much anything.

But now that we need dinner every day? It's terrifically difficult. It's terrificult!

(Dang...that sounds a little wrong. Like a terrible cult or something.)

I really don't mind preparing food - I've been watching a lot of this overproduced competition cooking show "Master Chef" on Hulu.com lately, so the actual preparation isn't dreadful. It's sort of fun, especially pretending I'm an expert and know what I'm doing.

But the hardest part is deciding. Blankly staring at the stove like it's a piece of paper and I have writer's block. Opening the fridge and everything delicious I remember buying suddenly scurries behind a nearly-empty milk carton or bottle of pickles like a cockroach hides from the light. Canvassing the countertops for anything but that moldy tomato or wilted piece of lettuce. Searching the shelves when all I can see is ramen, peanut butter, and Instant Quaker Oatmeal. I want T-shirts that say "WHAT SHOULD WE EAT".

I know, I know - I need to plan my meals ahead of time. Once I get a good repertoire of recipes I'll be better at performing on-demand. Practice practice practice!

Still, ideas can't hurt. Allow me to pick your collective brains: What did you have for dinner tonight? What do you wish you had for dinner tonight?

Persuasive Essays

"The one thing you can never be wrong about is your own opinion. It's when you start giving your reasons that you lay yourself open." -- Roger Ebert

From a very good blog by Ebert about the film "Inception." Specifically, he addresses how various people are shaming those minority negative reviewers of the film. "How dare you dislike a movie I loved!", etc. Check it out here: http://blogs.suntimes.com/ebert/2010/07/the_myth_of_a_perfect_film.html.

I agree that you can't be "wrong" about your own opinion. That's the "your" part. The opinion part, however, is where "you lay yourself open" as he says.

But you can't very well share your opinion without explanation. Giving only your opinion without reasons is hardly accepted by those with whom you're having a conversation---especially if they're of the opposite opinion.

As I taught my summer school students when comparing FACT vs OPINION, a fact can be proven true, while an opinion cannot. Similarly, a fact cannot be argued, while an opinion can. Would we say that an opinion exists to be argued against? Might we say that an opinion doesn't exist unless there is some way you could argue against it?

* * *

I've had a blast teaching summer school these past few weeks. By focusing on writing a single persuasive essay, instead of trying to read and analyze a novel or memorize out-of-context vocab words, I've seen them reach some real depth of thinking instead of skimming on top of the learning surface. It was inspired for me to let them pick their own topics for their persuasive essays instead of assigning "Should your school get rid of the pop machines" or "What do you think about school uniforms" or, my favorite, "Recycling." Most importantly, those topics would bore ME, which boredom is painfully obvious if you try and teach through.

It's important for me to pick interesting things to teach so THEY will have interesting things to learn. I basically gave them half a day on the iTouch to muse around news sites online and find a topic that really interests them. They range from the existence of aliens to texting while driving to the legalization of marijuana to the fairness of Arizona's now-infamous new law.

I'm happy I didn't shy away from topical, relevant issue of immigration. I'd debated whether to bring it up in class but I knew they were all thinking about it - this was the same week "The List" came out (leaked list of 1,300 names, addresses, and SSNs of allegedly illegal immigrants in Utah). It was filled with mostly Hispanic names, and I have mostly Hispanic students. And they were worried. (I never asked if they were worried for themselves or for family members - I don't feel like it's my place to know, or even if it's legal for me to know, whether they are here within or outside the law. If they're in my classroom, I'm going to teach them.)

So I was pleased to see that they weren't scared of such a big topic, either. One student is writing on the treatment of immigrants in general; another is arguing that Utah should not adopt an Arizona-like law; and another narrowed the topic down to: Those 2 workers who leaked that "list" information should be criminally charged for violation of privacy laws.

It's still a question in my mind how much I let them know my opinion, and how much I stay neutral to let them form their own. Usually I'd bring up a topic---like "Should euthanasia on animals in shelters be performed by lethal injection or with poisonous gas?"---and discuss both sides, the facts and reasonings for both sides, and how each side might try to prove the other side false. Ultimately, the discussion will come to, "Well, what do YOU think, Ms Sheffield?' (The summer school people didn't get my new name in time.) I'll be honest - I usually hedge away from that question. I change the subject, or just say "That's not the question. The question is what do YOU think, and how can you back it up?" or "We don't have to pick a side. We're looking at the pros and cons of both." Am I pansying out? Or should I continue to stay behind a professional veil and not reveal my personal opinions?

And now we're back at the beginning. Because usually when I have an opinion, it's rooted deep in my religious foundation. So if they get my opinion, and they inevitably ask for reasons why.... well, I probably don't need to ask if I should share those or not. . . . Do I?

One last thought on the Ebert quote: You definitely need to have some kind of reasoning for your opinion. And to have considered both sides. One of my students wanted to write about the new Jazz lineup - specifically, how wrong it was for them to sign Raja Bell again. "He's a terrible player, we don't need him, they should've picked someone better" were some of his reasons. So I had him look up evidence, player stats and expert analysis, that sort of thing (that I could give more opinion on had I any lingering interest in pro basketball). The next day he raised his hand and informed me he was switching his topic. Now he's writing on why he supports the Jazz in re-signing Raja Bell. And he has the facts to prove it. I hope.

The More Things Change

A few things are different since the last time I blogged. First of all, this one kid came to my house to watch a movie and fell asleep on my floor.

Reader, I married him.

(I have used

the famous line

that I got from Jane Eyre

and that you

were probably saving

for breakfast.

Forgive me - it was delicious

So sweet

though so old)

Second, I moved to our new apartment, and I have a new last name.

Side note: So I'm not sure what to do about this blog. Options are as follows:

• Ditch it and make a new one, probably with both our names in the address, and talk about our new life. Downside - I doubt Husband will be writing on it much.
• Keep it and make it a Work-Only blog. If I take out all personal references I could use it for my classes, to check homework, etc. As you can see, I haven't been updating it regularly for personal reasons anyway.
• Keep it and repent of my non-writing ways. I may be married but I still have thoughts to share!

Speaking of thoughts to share....

Getting a new last name is a hassle and a half. I'll get there in a second. Because now that I think of it, pretty much everything about getting married is a hassle and a half. The easiest part is being in love. (Just being. Because falling in love is a hassle, too. As we all know.)

I've been married for two weeks. Half the time has been in Hawaii, half here. I will not attempt to euphemize: Hawaii was way better. It came at the perfect time---stress had been building up as the school year came to a close, I had one week after school ended to plan my reception (AND wedding AND luncheon AND vacation AND new house AND....), I was packing for a trip and putting together new house, and as I was getting an ulcer from the anxiety of it all, all I wanted to do was be with Boy Who Fell Asleep On My Floor, all the time.

So the weekend smacked into us, and we collapsed into the arms of Hawaii.

These pictures are already on the Book of the Face, of course. I know my posting priorities! But the whole beach-sunset proves my point - It was a haven of escape. We woke up each morning thousands of miles from home, literally an ocean away from our troubles. No stress, no problems, no worries. For a whole week. It was bliss.

Now, back at the ranch, we have to deal with Life again. A couple of examples:

• Boy-who-fell-asleep, now Husband-who-goes-to-work-everyday, ditched his old bank to sign onto mine, but they won't give him a debit card until both our names match.
• I've been to the Social Security office to get a card with my new name, but it's going to take 1-2 weeks for it to arrive.
• Then I'll still have to go to the DMV, of which I'll admit I'm quite frightened, and get a new license.
• Not to mention my church records!
• After that I need to talk to my school district so they'll change their paperwork - my paycheck, work email address, etc.
• Which brings me back to this blog. Yesterday I set up a new Gmail address with my new last name. But with any kind of moving, I have to wonder what to keep and what to throw out. Old archived emails, mailing lists, contacts??

My intention is not to burden you with my burdens, nor am I attempting to solicit pity or offers of help. I simply want to re-enter the Blogosphere without apologies but with lots of details about my life.

Because that's what I enjoy about reading YOUR blog. : )

Books!

I've been reading a lot lately. I think it's got something to do with the "15 minutes of silent reading" time at the beginning of each of my classes. (I like to model good reading behavior so they know what it looks like, so I'm usually sitting at the front of the room with a book in my hand. Rather than puttering around at my desk.) And since I've had the time to get started on a book, I come home and would much rather be reading instead of working.

So I've gotten through a few. And now I have to talk about them.

River Secrets, by Shannon Hale

I'm a huge Shannon Hale fan. She has a way of writing stories, novels that are more folktales than books. They usually have some kind of magical element, but the characters are real and memorable enough that you close the book with a smile and satisfied sigh. And they're funny. This is the 3rd in a series of 4 (the others, I believe, are The Goose Girl, Enna Burning, and a new one coming out soon...).

Hole In My Life, by Jack Gantos

This is a real-life memoir about a few years of Jack Gantos' teenage and early-20s life, when he was involved in doing drugs, selling drugs, giving up drugs, and serving prison time. But how could someone who has messed up his life so much go on to write and publish a book? He made some terrible choices, yes, but he wasn't dumb. In fact, while in prison he wasn't allowed a notebook to write in, so he used a jail-copy of "The Brothers Karamazov" and wrote in the margins and in-between the lines. His manuscript was his ticket out of there. It was a tough subject and not really the escapist reading I'm used to, but I couldn't put this down, even though I was reading it on my cruise!

Pride and Prejudice and Zombies, by Jane Austen and Seth Grahame-Smith

I'm sure you've heard a lot about this one, but I sure liked it. Now that I look back on it, I realize that you have to be able to appreciate Jane Austen before you can read this. It's 85% Austen and 15% zombies. So, as awesome as the zombie/ninja fighting parts are, if you're not in the patient mood required by the majority of the language, this book isn't for you. Wait for the movie. ;)

The Road, by Cormac McCarthy

Wow, even thinking about this book still gives me goosebumps. I tend to read in the oddest places considering the subject matter: prison and drug dealing in the Bahamas, and post-apocolyptic, ashen-gray American wasteland on a family trip to Moab and Arches National Park. But, you know, Jack Gantos did take a boatload of drugs from Florida to the Northeast, and I connected with his sea-legs and yearning for land as I read on the cruise liner. And just as we drove through miles of southern Utah, "the man" and "the boy" in this novel traveled onward down any road they could find in search of food and safety and survival. Arches is gorgeous beyond any poetic description I could imagine; McCarthy uses the most gorgeous language to describe the least attractive world imaginable. In short, it was a beautiful book about horrible things. If you can handle that, read it!

Impossible, by Nancy Werthin

This is a YA lit novel that I would recommend to a much wider audience as well. It's a modern-day story of a girl named Lucy, a senior in high school, just turning 18...but it's based on the idea behind the Simon and Garfunkle song "Scarborough Fair." I kinda didn't want to say that because I think it gives a bit of a wrong idea... Basically, I loved the book more for the "true love of mine" aspect than the fantasy element. Their relationship was very...worthy. Not even a Mormon novel, but a great emphasis on family and commitment.

The Guernsey Literary and Potato Peel Pie Society, by Mary Anne Shaffer and Annie Barrows

My friend Jenny recommended this to me - actually, she loaned me her copy - which is the only reason I read it, because I certainly would not have picked it up judging by the title. What the...!? I mean, what *is* Potato Peel Pie? It's only a fringe idea, but I think they wanted to make the title memorable. Ok, it worked: I haven't forgotten. And I am so glad I read it. It's set in 1946, in a small British island in the English Channel working to heal itself from being occupied by Nazi Germany. But it's told all in letters, people writing back and forth to the main character Juliet living in London. I'm not kidding - I felt like I got to know these characters so well that in the week or so it's been since I finished the book, I've missed them! I want to know how they are now. I wish I could stop by for tea and just chat. It was lovely and poignant (nice buzzword) and darling and thoroughly enjoyable.

Now I'm reading "Bleachers" by John Grisham, and it's...fine. But mostly I'm desperately searching for my next favorite. What have you read lately? Any recommendations?

"Having fun isn't hard when you've got a library card." ---Arthur

A Picture Is Worth A Long, Convoluted Story That I Don't Really Feel Like Telling

So I went on this cruise.


Ok, I knew Emily was there, "butt" I had no idea about this photo. Sneaky, Lisa.


One day we went snorkeling.


I look like this ALL the time.

I took this picture, and almost took the fish too, but they said not to disturb the creatures, something about an "ecosystem" or whatever, I don't know, I wasn't really paying attention.


Another day, at the fancy onboard restaurant, I ate escargots. For those of you who don't "hablo espanol," escargots is Spanish for THE NINO. I mean, snails.


Aye aye, Captain Me. Worry not: I steered us in the right direction.

Another time, we went to the beach. White sand, clear warm water... delish. The cruise line actually owns this private island in the Bahamas, called Cococay. Ok, so maybe it was artificial, but so is Tang and we still love that!

This is me and a coconut tree. Rhyme!!


Here's me and Lisa. Then there was this time I bought us all virgin strawberry daiquiris, and the waitress couldn't stop being amazed that we didn't drink alcohol. And then we won 2nd place in the "Name that Tune" contest, and everyone couldn't stop being amazed.


In a word, the sunsets on the boat were truly spectacularly colorful Caribbean sunsets. Oops, that was four words.

When I got home I had sea legs for about three days...but I'm still glad I went! Snark aside, it was truly unforgettable.