Movie Comparison/Dissection #1: Love?

At the start of this Thanksgiving break I saw two movies - one that I'd heard a lot of and mostly enjoyed, and one that I hadn't heard too much of and really loved. They both were primarily romantic, and both had some great kisses. They're both kind of fairy tales, and they both end happily. And both movies have some flawed perspectives on love. Let me explain.

The first, you might have guessed, was Twilight, the ultimate teen fangirl dream film. I made sure to know what I was getting myself into when I saw this one. Yes, I've read all the books, and yes I enjoyed the read. (Cotton-candy romantic entertainment. I enjoyed Meyer's other book The Host even more.) And I read all the reviews I could find before seeing the film, so I really felt prepared for what I found: Cheese. Baseball-playing vampire cheese. And guess what? I was totally fine with it. Like I said, I mostly enjoyed it. There's a lot of nitpicky stuff I could go into, but I'd rather not. It was not a bad way to spend two hours and eight fifty.

The next night I went to Blockbuster with my cousins and saw the film Penelope, which my cousin Brad insisted on pronouncing in a way that rhymes with "antelope." He didn't really feel like watching it, actually, especially judging by the flowery, almost sappy looking DVD cover. Well, we did watch it, and it shattered my expectations. Yes, it was a fairy-tale-like romance where a girl is cursed with a pig-like face and only when someone "of her own kind" (that is, blue-blooded rich) loves her will she be turned beautiful. BUT! It doesn't go about it in the way you would expect. In fact, the movie did things in such unexpected ways I couldn't even turn away. In many movies you count the "wow!" moments; in this one even Brad was always saying "What?!?" instead. It was very surprising, quirky and different...but in a delightfully satisifying way. And while the ending might have been an obvious one, I really enjoyed how it got there.

But I didn't just want to review these movies, I wanted to look through a feminist perspective at the relationships they portray. Don't get mad - I'm not saying all guys are like this. I'm just saying this is one way it can be interpreted. Get ready for it.

Penelope

In Penelope her suitors come talk to her through a one-way mirror, until she comes right out and shows them her face. They either run away screaming or crash themselves out through the window to get away from her hideousness. Finally, though, there's one who happens to not see when she comes out, and when the rest have run away, he stays and talks to her through the glass. He comes back day after day and they get to know each other, have a chess game, even play music together while in separate rooms.

And I thought, isn't that just the way this guy would love to have it? It's like a self-absorbed-man's dream relationship: he only has to talk to himself! Sure, they have a conversation, but he's not really with her, is he? He's in a room with another version of himself. It's a very selfish way to look at a relationship, but sometimes that's all that's wanted: another You. Who did he really fall in love with? In that room he may be talking to her, but it's really all about HIM.

Twilight

Once I started thinking about it. I realized Twilight had a similar theme. And I admit, I didn't notice it myself: I read in other reviews that Edward never tells Bella she's beautiful. She, however, tells him he's perfect. Setting aside the book version, since it does allow for the relationship to be a bit more complicated, in the movie at least it seems that Edward and Bella aren't in love with each other. They're just in love with how much he's in love with her.

In the book it felt (slightly) less creepy, but the movie made it glaringly obvious that Edward is more obsessed with how much he desires her than with her, herself. Girls find it attractive to be wanted so badly: after all, everyone wants to be loved. But that's really the only thing holding them together. Again, it's not about her. He's not focused on Bella as much as he is focused on how much he loves her. So really, he's only focused on himself. Hey, even Bella herself is so focused on him she doesn't even take care of herself. So how is this good for her??

So, after seeing these two movies back to back, it really seemed like they would come out on the worse end when examined from a feminist perspective. It's not even about the girl. Most of the focus is on the guy - on his love, fascination, and obsession. It's strange, too, since Twilight was written, and both movies were directed, by women.

Other thought to ponder: what Marian the librarian sings in "The Music Man" that my stake performed this month. She wants a man "who is more interested in me than he is in himself, and more interested in 'us' than he is in me." Hmmm...

Also, I watched (an incredible Masterpiece Theater version of the classic novel) Jane Eyre tonight, and that's one that really gets you thinking. There are, of course, encyclopedias written about Mr Rochester and Jane, but I specifically noticed where he deliberately doesn't tell her that he's decided to marry her, and talks about the marriage preparations and plans directly to her, letting her think that he's going to be marrying someone else! So manipulative. Fun for him, I suppose, but HOW is that good for Jane, at all?

OK, now for the end disclaimer: No, I am not really as bitter as all this makes me seem. I was merely intrigued by the juxtaposition of these movies and wished to share my comments, as I hope you will. I really did enjoy the movies! And I really, really do enjoy dissecting them afterward!

Just something I was thinking about after church today.

One teaching of the Church I belong to is that of "opposition in all things." It basically means that if we never had bad things happen to us, we would never learn to appreciate the good.

Today I was thinking about that and flipped it around in my mind: Maybe, if we never had good things happen to us, we would never realize that our lives were so bad!

Then I thought, maybe that's what it's like, this life on earth. We survive by focusing on the relatively good things, yes, but in reality... life sucks. It's hard, and bad things happen all the time. I mean, compared to the next life? Yes. I believe that the paradise that awaits us when we die, and then the glorified kingdoms of heaven that follow after we are judged, are so much more brilliant and amazing and wonderful for us to even comprehend.

But the very fact that we can't comprehend it helps us to not realize that our lives are so hard down here!

So I'm glad God hasn't told us every little thing about life in the eternities that follows this world. Because then we'd want it so badly no one would want to stay down here. And we need to use our time to experience life on earth, first. Later we can go live with Him.

Anyway, just a thought I wanted to share, because I have a blog and I can. :)

Strange though it may sound, I'm even grateful for the Holocaust

I'm not going to apologize for getting "preachy" in this blog - today, it's supposed to be. I'm putting up the talk I gave in church this morning on Gratitude. Mostly because, I liked it. I'm always glad when I get asked to speak in church - just another chance to publicly say that I know the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints is the church of God!

If you really knew me, you would know I’m doing my student teaching right now. One of the reasons I’ve gone into teaching is that (and if you really knew me you would know this) I have a lot to say to a listening audience. So teaching is great because you have literally a captive audience. They can’t leave! Still, even though they can’t leave, they don’t always choose to listen. So I found that one way to get 8th graders’ attention is to talk about real things – important, serious issues. Which works perfectly as we’re reading “The Diary of Anne Frank,” we can talk about the Holocaust. That shuts them up. It never fails to bring a kind of respectful silence into the room. It’s great.

Speaking of the Holocaust, I have a mission story for you. (And, um, that doesn’t mean what it sounds like, either.) So in Chile, no matter where you live, no matter how clean you were, you would at some point get fleas. Fleas especially love gringo blood, so I inevitably got fleas in every sector I worked in. As in, my arm looked like I had the measles, just covered with tiny red bites. We’d be teaching lessons and I’d be unconsciously scratching here, there, arms, legs. And sure, they have stuff you can wash your clothes in and spray on your bedding to make them die, but all you have to do was visit someone’s house, or just go outside and walk past a dog and you get more. It didn’t really bother me until I started training and my new companion had a terrible problem with fleas – pulgas, we call them. I seriously think she was allergic or something, especially at first. Or maybe she was just really gringa. But she had them everywhere.

So we were in La Ligua, the sector farthest away from our zone leaders, and we would often stay overnight with another companionship of sisters to be there for early-morning zone meetings and activities. One time we were getting ready for bed and my companion and another sister were bemoaning their plethora of flea bites. So I turned to my companion and told her this story:

I don’t know if any of you have read the book “The Hiding Place” by Corrie Ten Boom, but she was a Christian woman who was taken with her sister Betsie to a concentration camp in WWII. She wasn’t Jewish, so I can’t really remember why she was put in there, but I guess if the Nazis hate you then, in you go. They went through exactly what you would expect: horrible conditions, near-starvation, daily backbreaking labor. One day they were marched to a new barracks. They had to sleep in a small bed shared with 9 women. When they got to bed that first night, she said:

"The deck above us was too close to let us sit up. We lay back, struggling against the nausea that swept over us from the reeking straw...Suddenly I sat up, striking my head on the cross-slats above. Something had pinched my leg.

"'Fleas!' I cried. 'Betsie, the place is swarming with them! …How can we live in such a place!'

"'Show us. Show us how.' It was said so matter of factly it took me a second to realize she was praying. More and more the distinction between prayer and the rest of life seemed to be vanishing for Betsie.

"'Corrie!' she said excitedly. 'He's given us the answer! Before we asked, as He always does! In the Bible this morning. Where was it? Read that part again!'

"I glanced down the long dim aisle to make sure no guard was in sight, then drew the Bible from its pouch. 'It was in First Thessalonians,' I said. ...."Rejoice always, pray constantly, give thanks in all circumstances; for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus.'"

"'That's it, Corrie! That's His answer. "Give thanks in all circumstances!" That's what we can do. We can start right now to thank God for every single thing about this new barracks!' I stared at her; then around me at the dark, foul-aired room.

"'Such as?' I said.

"'Such as being assigned here together,' she said. 'Such as what you're holding in your hands.' I looked down at the Bible.

"'Yes! Thank You, dear Lord, that there was no inspection when we entered here! Thank You for all these women, here in this room, who will meet You in these pages.'

"'Yes,' said Betsie, 'Thank You for the very crowding here. Since we're packed so close, that many more will hear!' She looked at me expectantly. 'Corrie!' she prodded.

"'Oh, all right. Thank You for the jammed, crammed, stuffed, packed suffocating crowds.'

"'Thank You,' Betsie went on serenely, 'for the fleas and for--'

"The fleas! This was too much. 'Betsie, there's no way even God can make me grateful for a flea.'

"'Give thanks in all circumstances,' she quoted. It doesn't say, 'in pleasant circumstances.' Fleas are part of this place where God has put us.

"And so we stood between tiers of bunks and gave thanks for fleas. But this time I was sure Betsie was wrong."

Well, as it happened, the two sisters were packed so close that when they read the scriptures every night, there were many others who could listen in. And as they shared the teachings of Christ, they saw a significant change in the way the prisoners treated each other – with more kindness, more politeness, more friendliness. They sometimes wondered why they weren't yelled at or forced to give away their Bible, until one day there was a problem in the barracks and someone had to ask a supervisor to come settle it.

"But she wouldn't. She wouldn't step through the door and neither would the guards. And you know why?"

"Betsie could not keep the triumph from her voice: 'Because of the fleas! That's what the guard said, "That place is crawling with fleas!'"

"My mind rushed back to our first hour in this place. I remembered Betsie's bowed head, remembered her thanks to God for creatures I could see no use for."

Anyway. So I remembered reading this story before the mission, and I told it to my companion that night to remind us to be thankful for everything, even the fleas.

After I finished Hermana West just stared at me for a long second. Then she said, “Thank you… for showing me how it could be worse if we were in a concentration camp!” Then she flung over and pulled the covers over her head.

Then, as I was preparing this talk, I found an article where Elder Joseph B. Wirthlin quotes Robert Louis Stevenson, “who wrote, ‘The man who forgets to be thankful has fallen asleep in life.’” And I thought of that day with my companion and it made me smile.

I absolutely know it to be true that the more focused we are on the good things in life - the blessings we are given, everything that Heavenly Father continues to do for us - the happier we will be.

President Gordon B. Hinckley has said: “My plea is that we stop seeking out the storms and enjoy more fully the sunlight. I am suggesting that as we go through life, we ‘accentuate the positive.’ I am asking that we look a little deeper for the good, that we still our voices of insult and sarcasm, that we more generously compliment and endorse virtue and effort” (Standing for Something [2000], 101).

Being grateful is more than saying “thank yous” in your prayers. It’s living in a way that recognizes your complete dependence on our Heavenly Father. When I’m more grateful in life, I can more easily remember my Savior and what He suffered so that I can have second, third, and seventy-times-seven more chances. I’m so grateful for the Sacrament to remind me of how I promised to be clean when I was baptized, and how He promises to clean me one more time every time I mess up.

The Savior himself taught us to be grateful at all times in Luke 6: 32-33. “For if ye love them which love you, what thank have ye? …. And if ye do good to them which do good to you, what thank have yet? For sinners also do even the same.” Here He was teaching the higher law of not only loving people that love us back, but loving all people. I also think it applies to gratitude: If we’re only thankful for the good times, how much is our gratitude worth? We are asked to give thanks not just for our blessings, but for ALL things, good and bad. Even the fleas.

So I’m grateful for the hard times in my life, because those times are when I realize, yet again, that there’s no way I can possibly fall. I have too many support systems, in my friends, my family, the ward. I’m so indebted and thankful for the people in my life that bring me up.

Being grateful also helps me find the most important things in life to focus on. I absolutely loved President Thomas S. Monson’s talk in this past conference about finding joy in the journey. In it he said this great quote:

“Both abundance and lack [of abundance] exist simultaneously in our lives, as parallel realities. It is always our conscious choice which secret garden we will tend . . . when we choose not to focus on what is missing from our lives but are grateful for the abundance that’s present—love, health, family, friends, work, the joys of nature, and personal pursuits that bring us [happiness]—the wasteland of illusion falls away and we experience heaven on earth.”

We can have that same kind of experience when we open our eyes and appreciate all that we have. I’m immensely grateful to my Father in Heaven for all He’s given – especially when He gave His Son to pay for my sins. I know I can never repay that, but the more grateful I am, the more I can try, and the happier I will be along the way.

That’s the truth.