What's up with KPOP?

Now that PSY's Gangnam Style has hit number one on iTunes and his video below has been viewed 281 million times, I would like to announce, like any self respecting Cake fan would (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zYSesXsN-ZM 0:47), that I heard it first.

I realize that in claiming this, I may have just gained a permanent label as a hipster.  Let me dispel your judgments by reminding everyone that I don't like Apple, Iron and Wine, or beanies. Glad I cleared that up.

The main point of me telling you this is not to convince you that I am cooler than you (if you come to that conclusion on your own though, I approve), but rather to explain my magical journey into the world of KPOP.

This journey began in the summer of '09.  Having been passed over for all the internships I applied to the spring prior, I was not looking at a very eventful summer.  My brother Paul heard of my conundrum and suggested that I spend the summer teaching English in Taiwan and studying Mandarin, so I did.  While there, I made some friends in a who were in a similar situation to my own (young, single, male).  There are only a couple of reasons a guy like me is in Taiwan. 

1. Didn't get an internship and wants to learn Chinese

2. A particular attraction to Asian females.

I would say the vast majority are there for the second reason.  One of these friends I made who was openly of the second group I mentioned, introduced me to KPOP with The Wonder Girls' video Tell Me. His favorite is the rapper girl.

Not terribly impressed (and slightly disturbed by the wonder woman outfit), I continued to live my normal life and returned from Taiwan.  At the time, my nephew Thomas (2 years old) was going through a robot phase.  My mother found him this dancing robot video , which he latched onto and watched on repeat for hours.

There they were again, The Wonder Girls, with robots dancing to their song.  I concluded that any group with the endorsement of robots must be "a thing." I watched the music video and really liked it. Just singing and dancing. I also enjoyed the song.

It was catchy, upbeat, and I couldn't understand the lyrics.  If I don't understand the lyrics, I don't know if they are simplistic or poorly written, which is all to often the case with American pop songs. I liked that these girls were not nasty and gross like The Pussycat Dolls or The Spice Girls.  They were reminiscent of girl groups from the 60's, a time when you were allowed to wear clothing when you sang.

So I searched Youtube for KPOP, to hopefully find more music like what I had heard.  The top search result was Gee by Girls Generation (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=U7mPqycQ0tQ).  I find this very appropriate because by watching this video, you will find out everything you need to know about KPOP.

For first time KPOP viewers, this video is probably a lot to take in.  The first question you probably have is "Were those dancing robots as well?" The answer is yes and no.  They are technically humans like you or me.  The reason even the smallest bit of feminism inside of you is screaming "No! Something was wrong with that!" is because a substantial percentage of all of these girls is plastic (plastic surgeonized).  I like to think the music video itself is aware of this though, starting them all as mannequins who come to life.  Plastic surgery is very common in Korea. One out of five woman have undergone plastic surgery and 1/3 of woman and men say that they would like to have plastic surgery.  So the first thing that we learned from this video is that Korean pop stars are fake. 

The second theme we can draw from this video is the infantilization of woman.  They are so beside themselves over this store attendant guy, frowning and pouting like babies because they will never get to be with him, what with the whole "being mannequins" and everything.

The third is dance.  All KPOP songs (ballads excluded) require a dance.  This is usually such a big part of the video, that there is a separate music video dedicated entirely to the dance. Gee has two.

This video solidified my new entry into KPOP fandom. No, not because I'm a chauvinist, but because I really like the production quality.  Obviously, a whole lot of effort went into this video.  It is visually stunning-the colors, the set, the effects, the dance.  And the song is great. Like many modern KPOP songs (including the one below) it is driven by a bass heavy electronic rhythm. 

Once again, I don't approve of the two inch shorts or pillow fights, but this is just a great song.  If you can forget that it is sung by 12 year old plastic girls, it is really fun to jam out to. And sans the elements previously mentioned, the video is great as well.  Cool camera angles, seamless transitions from dancing in ridiculous outfit one to dancing in ridiculous outfit two, over the top set design and enough lens flares to make JJ Abrams cry.  Which reminds me of another great video (Ignoring the odd bunny-in-a-giant-playing-card thing going on).

Here is a sampling of more good KPOP stuff.

So at this point you are probably thinking "Do men sing in Korea?" I mean they must, right, I got PSY's video up there after all.  Well, lets just say I'm not a huge fan of the Korean boy bands.  Pretty much everything I generalized about KPOP from Girl's Generation's Gee is true about the boy bands as well. Let me demonstrate.

Yeah, just as must make up and plastic surgery as the girls. Also, acting like eight year olds. And the dancing/music isn't  as good.  Not to say that there isn't some decent boy band music out there.....It's just that I have only found two examples.

And that is after checking the KPOP top 100 once a month since summer of '09.  Which brings me back to my original point of how I first heard Gangnam Style July 24 right after its Korean debut.  I think that its immense popularity in the U.S is the start of things to come.  Will.i.am-produced 2NE1 plans to make their U.S debut next year and they have a good chance of charting (their song "I am the Best" hit 99 on the U.S dance charts earlier this year, and that was in Korean).  Not that other Korean groups haven't tried this in the past. BoA released her first full length English album in 2009.  Unfortunately, she changed her musical style for the album to try to make it "more American."  All it ended up doing was making the album more terrible.  

I'll play out this blog with one of her more acceptable songs (not in English) followed by a cool instrumental that would probably fit fairly well into a Bond movie soundtrack.  I hope you all feel more prepared to live in a world that will eventually be controlled by KPOP producers, plastic surgeons, and some other third group.

First day of schoo--oh, wait.

It's the first time in my life (excepting my mission to Chile) where August rolls around and I don't start back at school.

Feelings: Simultaneously relieved and sad to be missing out.

Edit: UPDATE: It's now the end of the first month of school.

Feelings: Relieved to be missing out. Aaaaaand that's it.

Cloudy with a Chance of Mormon Mommy Musings

I found myself browsing around other peoples’ blogs today and suddenly sat back and said out loud, “I have something to say about that.” 

Recently I was talking to a dear friend (and I mean that in a non-grandmother-type way) who was coming to the realization that she is a Mormon mom.  “Hey, me too!” I responded.   Then the following non-verbal sentiments were shared: First, o/ \o.  Then, o_O. Finally, :-?.  Let me expound for the emoticon-impaired!  

o/ \o

#1. A high five!  

Hey, I have kids AND I’m LDS, just like you! We totes have that in common, oh-em-gosh! But really, it’s awesome to bond over shared experiences.  I remember getting to the MTC and going through the cafeteria line, sitting down with my grapefruit half and glass of orange juice and thinking, “OH. So THIS is what everyone was talking about. Now I know! Now I can talk to people about it!!” (P.S. I felt that way after my wedding night, too, but I haven’t found as many people who are right away willing to/comfortable with talking to me about THAT.) Or when someone introduces herself to me as a high school teacher, and (even though I am not currently teaching) I suddenly feel like I know a whole lot more about them.  So when you meet someone that has gone through the same thing as you, you feel an instant kinship:  Sup. Fist pound. Dude, you KNOW. If I say something you will underSTAND.  So especially for first time moms…I hear ya. And we looked at each other knowingly, and nodded. 

o_O

#2. Wait…what?  

And then we eyed each other. So, we’re both Mormon Moms, but, so what? I mean, what IS a Mormon Mom, really, besides the obvious religious and familial status? We found ourselves staring, inspecting. There’s a stereotype in there somewhere.  Help me define it: 

Let’s say you stumble upon a blog called “Mormon Mom.”  What do you already know about this person?  First is easy: you know she has a blog.  And she probably pins, a lot, so she’s crafty.  She most likely stays at home, and her home, by the way, or by consequence, is darling. There’s probably a bronze star hanging out in front, and she’s painted the door a fun accent color.  Inside you’ll find inspirational, witty, sometimes cutely sarcastic words screenprinted onto wood blocks purchased from Hobby Lobby or Seagull Book hanging on her clean walls. Or wait: maybe she cooks – her crockpot bubbling with taco lasagna, or her oven steaming with fresh bread made with wheat she ground herself, or her freezer brim with premade and ready-to-eat casseroles, or her pantry stocked with food storage for 18 months.

No, this is not what you think. I am not feeling inadequate: not “down on myself for not being as good as this mysterious perfect mom.”  She doesn’t exist – I completely know that, and that’s not what this post is about. Note the use of the “or.”  Mormon Moms might sew all their kids’ clothes, OR extremely coupon, OR digitally scrapbook each baby’s milestones.  I’m not delusional to think that one person does all of this.  (Or anyway, I haven’t met her.) But, for the purposes of stereotypical description, let us agree that ALL Mormon Moms do at least ONE of these. You know who you are.  ;)

So when my friend and I realized we were both Mormon Moms, these are the kinds of things that were being pictured. 

:-?

 #3. Hmmm….  

And then, the introspection: IS THIS REALLY WHO I NOW AM? IS THIS WHO I ALWAYS WANTED TO BE??

Let me try to break that down a bit.  No one is thinking they don’t love their kids. No one wishes they’d never met their husbands.

We just are having trouble realizing that our lives might be a cliché.  It's scary! We don't want to be Borg drones! We don't want to be carbon copies! We still want to be US - we just want to be Mormon and Moms while we're at it!   Can it even be possible???

I submit that yes. 

After our conversation I searched for an explanation.  How do I learn to love something that now defines me?  And I found a beautifully written article:  http://www.lds.org/ensign/2006/01/the-joyful-surprise-of-motherhood?lang=eng 

If you don't want to click and read the whole thing, fine, lazy, I'll give you the parts I most appreciated.  She says it is a myth that when you become a mom, you will lose yourself to your children.  Instead, "You will lose yourself to love":

Not having a baby for fear of losing yourself would be like saying, “Don’t ever make any friends, and certainly never, ever fall in love, because both of these things will take time and will change your life.” I did not resist falling in love, but I did mentally resist parenthood. I was convinced that having this baby so early on was going to ruin my carefully plotted life. He did not ruin my life—in fact, in many ways he saved it. 

What I mean is this: We are going to lose our lives to something. I had lost mine to school goals, career dreams, plans, and other people’s demands and expectations for what my life should be. I had listened to the world and its requirements for me as a modern woman. [My baby] brought me back to myself and to God. He brought me back to the saving fundamentals of faith, hope, and charity. First Corinthians 13:13 does not say, “And now abideth enough money to travel, a great body, and a successful career, these three; but the greatest of these is a successful career.” It doesn’t even say this for men, because even though the proclamation on the family designates fathers as the main providers, their primary and most important job is also in the home and with the family....

And then she answered another question I hadn't put into words: WHY did I spend so many years of my life in school, taking classes, teaching classes, just to end it all with the birth of a child?  

A baby is like the ultimate class and the ultimate hobby. A class will not last so long, will not be so funny, will not be so beautiful, so challenging, so living. It will not be something you have created together. It will not look like you. It will not love you. 

So let it be written, so let it be done. This is who I am, and I cannot, would not change that.  My role, my life is not a cliche.  It is a truth.  It is a huuuuge blessing. It IS life. It is awesome!

End result:  :-)

Ok, now it's your turn...did I define the stereotype correctly? What did I miss? Where did I go wrong?  What parts are legit enough that I should actually be working on?? WHY IS LDS.ORG SO GREAT???

Lemme know.  

Don't Punch the CEO of Cafe Rio in the face

Its's 2AM on a Wednesday morning again, you know what that means kids? AARON'S BLOG TIME!!!  I really don't know what I am going to write about yet ( 90% of people who are not bored enough, please stop reading.....now) but I think this is probably an improvement on watching a B movie on Netflix or downloading kpop music videos (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=I3tuZF1qizQ&feature=plcp, discussion for another day). Today's discussion will be on Cafe Rio, which may be connected to my eating tortilla chips right now.  I just can't bring myself to pay $1 for a scoop of sour cream.  Anybody else acknowledge this highway robbery?  Guacamole, I get, avocados are wicked expensive, $1 each on average, and so to make any kind of decent profit margin on the sale of guac, they need to sell each scoop for $.75 (so the profit margin is a little more then decent). But sour cream?!  That stuff is cheap!  You can buy 16 oz for $1 at the grocery store.  So it makes sense that a restaurant could buy it for even less in bulk wholesale. So let's just say that the purchaser at Cafe Rio is terrible, and their sour cream is $1 for 16 oz. How many scoops is that?   I figure one scoop is 3 tablespoons. That means 16 oz of sour cream translates into 10.5 scoops.  That is a profit margin of 950% (This is the part where you are all appalled).  So, your saying, what's the big deal? Just don't get sour cream if it bugs you that much. You are right, I could pass on the sour cream-if I liked eating crap.  Mexican food requires sour cream in my book. I equate charging extra for sour cream at a Mexican restaurant with a salad buffet charging extra for lettuce.  The dish would be hopelessly lost without it.  But there is a work around to giving in to the ridiculousness of the extra charge.  The answer-tostada.  Yes, my friends, there is more then just burritos and salads at this restaurant, there is a delicious taco-salad hybrid called a tostada.  It includes sour cream and creamy sauce and is nearly the same as a cafe rio salad (just slightly smaller). Also, it costs $2 less.  Also, a smaller salad solves the problem of your wife always wanting to save half of her full sized salad for later (admit it, lettuce wilts, and the next day the salad will taste gross).  I hope this segment has been educational for all of you.  No need to punch the CEO of Cafe Rio in the face, just buy a tostada.

If you feel jipped because you read this in the hopes that eventually it would become a legitimate post, here is another blog I wrote on nuclear power http://ofgoodintent.blogspot.com/2011/04/quickly-while-i-am-bugged.html

Ha Ha, I have taken over my wife's blog!

For any of you sorry suckers who got notified of a new post on "Beckie's Blog" and expected to read about a married mormon girl's feelings about no longer working and being a stay at home mom-SORRY! NO DICE!  All you get is Beckie's battle hardened husband! Get ready for unapologetic hard hitting rhetoric. Vicious rhetoric that very well might tear you to pieces......well, crap, there goes my tough guy facade with the Tad Hamilton quote. OK, I lied, I am not taking over the blog (even though i could because I know all of Beckie's passwords) I have just been added as an attempt to make the blog more interesting. Or possibly so I have other people to speak to from my soap box besides just my wife (who rarely is interested anyway).  So no, I am not going to hit Beckie's blog off into left field.  In fact, I am pretty much just like her, except I have a scruffy beard  and cross the double white line to enter the carpool lane.  That is pretty much as edgy as I get. I do not have anything earth shattering to say,  but I do have an opinion on pretty much everything, so a blog is a good place for to be, especially now that I have switched back to night shift. (Also, If you haven't given up on this post yet, I would like to point out that I, unlike my wife, did very poorly in English in high school, and do not have proper writing habits, and therefore you will have to suffer through run on sentences and badly split paragraphs. I just don't know where to start a new one.....this looks like a good place)

So yeah, night shift.  I am a process engineer at a semiconductor factory.  What do I do there?  I would tell you but I would have to kill myself.  The semiconductor industry is very niche. When I explain what I do to people not even other engineers understand me let alone common peasants. You may be thinking, It is your fault that you cannot simplify the explanation (I'm sure there are a thousand quotes about how truly smart people can make things understandable to the masses, whatev). But the truth is, when I do, and say something like I use super powerful cameras to take microscopic pictures of circuitry on a silicon wafer, I die a little inside, and that can't be healthy. Suffice it to say I am an engineer.  And I work at a factory that uses very expensive machines (ranging from $100,000 on the low end to $80,000,000). They are very expensive because they provide a lot of earning potential to the companies that possess them.  Every hour they run represents $200,000 in revenue.  It also represents a time period in which these machines must be paid for and therefore, utilized. The question I am trying to answer preemptively is why do I have to work night shift.  Or rather, why does anyone at my company work night shift.  The answer to the question is in the price of these machines.  Imagine owning an $80,000,000 home....OH...BABY...... Now stop being vain and come back to reality. So what would a 30 year mortgage be like on that home as compared to your $150,000 pittance of a house. You are correct, a whole lot more. In fact, it would be 300,000 a month.  Now lets say that your lending period was shortened to 5 years.  Yeah, your mortgage would be bad, but this one would be worse-$1,500,000 a month.  Considering how quickly technology changes and these machines become obsolete, I'm certain the lending period has got to be 5 years or less.  So the 1.5 mill a month per machine simplifies into around $2000/hour.  Now consider that my company has about 20 of these and forget about the 200 or so other "cheap" machines we have and you understand why the $200,000 per hour is wicked important. All this to explain why I am writing a blog at 2:30AM.

My Mondays are on Wednesdays.  I start the week by working Wednesday night.  Meaning, that if I didn't sleep during the day on Wednesday, I would be awake for 24 hours by the time my shift ended on Thursday morning.  So, I stay awake all night on Tuesday to facilitate my sleeping during the day on Wednesday.  I work 12 hour shifts from 6:30PM to 6:30AM alternating 4 and 3 days every other week. Every four months I rotate days/nights so I would be working AM to PM instead. If you don't understand how that works, it is ok, neither does anyone else unless you are married to someone who does it.  This may sound like a terrible schedule, but let me assure you, it is not.  I work only 3 or 4 days out of the week, leaving me with 3 and 4 day weekends every week.  I know a lot of people who would give their right foot for that kind of free time. Also, I get paid salary, but I only work an average of 42 hrs/week.  My shift ends, and I am outta there.  None of this 60-80 hrs/week stuff you get with other jobs. I think that requires a boo-yah!

The other half of the equation is being nocturnal.  People tell me that it must be awful to console me, and don't get me wrong, at first I thought the same thing.  But night shift where I work is actually very low stress and relaxing compared to day shift.  On day shift, when all non shifted employees are there as well, you get a lot of requests/demands that keep you constantly rushing around.  On nights, there is no one hovering over your shoulder telling you what they think is most important and you are free to use your own brain to prioritize.  Also, as you could imagine, I get a night shift differential, which is pretty hefty. Let's just say it covers tithing, fast offerings and random cravings of a nursing/starving wife.  This is a pretty sweet deal in my mind-relax and make more money.  But unfortunately my wife doesn't always agree.

Beckie doesn't by any means hate my job, and is always supportive of my weird schedule, but definitely mourns when I switch back to nights. She likewise does a little dance when I switch back to days. I am always a little confused at why she is celebrating us being poor again. Ok, so I guess I do understand the benefits of being a normal human being.  No one else is awake at night. No businesses or restaurants open. (If you haven't notices yet, I deal in absolutes.  I know that there are 24/7 Burger Kings and Walmarts, but I just don't like the word "most" and tend to leave it out quite often) You can't set up a get together or handle an errand on your lunch break. But I have decided that these things are of little importance to me in relation to $$$.  I guess the biggest drag is missing out on snuggle time with Beckie.  When I come home, she wakes up and I am working when she goes to sleep.  How much would you pay to cuddle with your spouse for 14 more days a month? $100? That would be $7 a snuggle. $200? $400 or $28 a snuggle.  Sometimes I feel like $28 is a bargain snuggle for the joy I get out of it.  Makes me think that I should start a snuggle business....that could get sketchy real fast.  Either way, I don't really have much of an alternative to a snuggle-less life as of now, so I guess that the calculations have been in vain (I'm an engineer, I can't help but calculate something!)

So I'm not really sure if this post had a main point, but I'm sure I have written enough to alienate 95% of readers thus far and should end quickly before the other 5% go back to watching Downton Abbey.  But before I do...........Cute baby!!!!!

Captain Adora-Bullen