Cloudy with a Chance of Mormon Mommy Musings

I found myself browsing around other peoples’ blogs today and suddenly sat back and said out loud, “I have something to say about that.” 

Recently I was talking to a dear friend (and I mean that in a non-grandmother-type way) who was coming to the realization that she is a Mormon mom.  “Hey, me too!” I responded.   Then the following non-verbal sentiments were shared: First, o/ \o.  Then, o_O. Finally, :-?.  Let me expound for the emoticon-impaired!  

o/ \o

#1. A high five!  

Hey, I have kids AND I’m LDS, just like you! We totes have that in common, oh-em-gosh! But really, it’s awesome to bond over shared experiences.  I remember getting to the MTC and going through the cafeteria line, sitting down with my grapefruit half and glass of orange juice and thinking, “OH. So THIS is what everyone was talking about. Now I know! Now I can talk to people about it!!” (P.S. I felt that way after my wedding night, too, but I haven’t found as many people who are right away willing to/comfortable with talking to me about THAT.) Or when someone introduces herself to me as a high school teacher, and (even though I am not currently teaching) I suddenly feel like I know a whole lot more about them.  So when you meet someone that has gone through the same thing as you, you feel an instant kinship:  Sup. Fist pound. Dude, you KNOW. If I say something you will underSTAND.  So especially for first time moms…I hear ya. And we looked at each other knowingly, and nodded. 

o_O

#2. Wait…what?  

And then we eyed each other. So, we’re both Mormon Moms, but, so what? I mean, what IS a Mormon Mom, really, besides the obvious religious and familial status? We found ourselves staring, inspecting. There’s a stereotype in there somewhere.  Help me define it: 

Let’s say you stumble upon a blog called “Mormon Mom.”  What do you already know about this person?  First is easy: you know she has a blog.  And she probably pins, a lot, so she’s crafty.  She most likely stays at home, and her home, by the way, or by consequence, is darling. There’s probably a bronze star hanging out in front, and she’s painted the door a fun accent color.  Inside you’ll find inspirational, witty, sometimes cutely sarcastic words screenprinted onto wood blocks purchased from Hobby Lobby or Seagull Book hanging on her clean walls. Or wait: maybe she cooks – her crockpot bubbling with taco lasagna, or her oven steaming with fresh bread made with wheat she ground herself, or her freezer brim with premade and ready-to-eat casseroles, or her pantry stocked with food storage for 18 months.

No, this is not what you think. I am not feeling inadequate: not “down on myself for not being as good as this mysterious perfect mom.”  She doesn’t exist – I completely know that, and that’s not what this post is about. Note the use of the “or.”  Mormon Moms might sew all their kids’ clothes, OR extremely coupon, OR digitally scrapbook each baby’s milestones.  I’m not delusional to think that one person does all of this.  (Or anyway, I haven’t met her.) But, for the purposes of stereotypical description, let us agree that ALL Mormon Moms do at least ONE of these. You know who you are.  ;)

So when my friend and I realized we were both Mormon Moms, these are the kinds of things that were being pictured. 

:-?

 #3. Hmmm….  

And then, the introspection: IS THIS REALLY WHO I NOW AM? IS THIS WHO I ALWAYS WANTED TO BE??

Let me try to break that down a bit.  No one is thinking they don’t love their kids. No one wishes they’d never met their husbands.

We just are having trouble realizing that our lives might be a cliché.  It's scary! We don't want to be Borg drones! We don't want to be carbon copies! We still want to be US - we just want to be Mormon and Moms while we're at it!   Can it even be possible???

I submit that yes. 

After our conversation I searched for an explanation.  How do I learn to love something that now defines me?  And I found a beautifully written article:  http://www.lds.org/ensign/2006/01/the-joyful-surprise-of-motherhood?lang=eng 

If you don't want to click and read the whole thing, fine, lazy, I'll give you the parts I most appreciated.  She says it is a myth that when you become a mom, you will lose yourself to your children.  Instead, "You will lose yourself to love":

Not having a baby for fear of losing yourself would be like saying, “Don’t ever make any friends, and certainly never, ever fall in love, because both of these things will take time and will change your life.” I did not resist falling in love, but I did mentally resist parenthood. I was convinced that having this baby so early on was going to ruin my carefully plotted life. He did not ruin my life—in fact, in many ways he saved it. 

What I mean is this: We are going to lose our lives to something. I had lost mine to school goals, career dreams, plans, and other people’s demands and expectations for what my life should be. I had listened to the world and its requirements for me as a modern woman. [My baby] brought me back to myself and to God. He brought me back to the saving fundamentals of faith, hope, and charity. First Corinthians 13:13 does not say, “And now abideth enough money to travel, a great body, and a successful career, these three; but the greatest of these is a successful career.” It doesn’t even say this for men, because even though the proclamation on the family designates fathers as the main providers, their primary and most important job is also in the home and with the family....

And then she answered another question I hadn't put into words: WHY did I spend so many years of my life in school, taking classes, teaching classes, just to end it all with the birth of a child?  

A baby is like the ultimate class and the ultimate hobby. A class will not last so long, will not be so funny, will not be so beautiful, so challenging, so living. It will not be something you have created together. It will not look like you. It will not love you. 

So let it be written, so let it be done. This is who I am, and I cannot, would not change that.  My role, my life is not a cliche.  It is a truth.  It is a huuuuge blessing. It IS life. It is awesome!

End result:  :-)

Ok, now it's your turn...did I define the stereotype correctly? What did I miss? Where did I go wrong?  What parts are legit enough that I should actually be working on?? WHY IS LDS.ORG SO GREAT???

Lemme know.